How I see myself. A gigantic wide brim hat, the most delicious sunglasses of all time, red lips, a black turtleneck, pearl studs, an oversized men's watch incredibly amazing and strange accessories.

Running errands or grabbing a hangover breakfast is not the time to worry about looking your best. I enjoyed these eurotrash inspired pants so much, that I had to build a whole look around them. So yes to snakeskin loafers and a turquoise snakeskin hobo. Yes to a jeweled beanie and big Victoria Beckham glasses. Yes to a moustache watch.

Fancy dinners for special events are clearly the best time for fur, a super simple LBD, interesting print on a pair of pumps. I decided that all of the accessories here have to be statements since the dress is plain. So a boho headband (because I love to interject a bit of hippie homeless chic into fancy situations) bright yellow studs and a bag, anda delicious Maria Felix inspired cuff (look her up, you won't regret it).

Perfect outfit for a sheesha night with girlfriends. Lovely man repelling items like tribal print harem pants and a pair of hoop earring that look like cobras (like out of my dreams).

This is end of January summer wishin. It's theoretical because I have a paralyzing fear of sun damage (note the ginormous J-Lo hat and oversized sunglasses). Other centerpiece, the obviously fabulous canvas bag. Says it all.

Yet another opportunity to wear an LBD. I love collecting black dresses with interesting draping and this Donna Karan is giving me swiping hand itches. Also a Bottega Veneta intrecciato hobo? Yeah that's been a dream item for many year. Plus I've always thought it looked really classy and chic to pair a red trench with nude pumps. The jewelry here, it's all a burnished gold look with circular themes and the centerpiece is definitely the Alice in Wonderland style pocketwatch necklace. I mean that is friggin awesome.

Let's pretend for a second that I still engage in this social activity. I am firmly of the belief that this is when you go your trashiest and stop giving a shit what anyone thinks. So I find a gross little mix of a sheer blouse over a rockabilly style bustier, full 80's Madonna trash on the lower part and a 20's rather than a hippie style fringe clutch provide enough slutty impact to still get a girl in the bar when she's wearing sneakers. SOMETHING has to be functional.

A shopping outfit in my mind should be about maximum functionality. I don't want to carry a heavy handbag, a zip wallet with a handle of some sort is perfect. Quick to remove and comfortable shoes, and clothes that require minimal changing time while still allowing for temperature control via layering.